virginsubsides

well, sure.

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 22:15:39 GMT

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 21:50:31 GMT

just humming along.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 23:49:33 GMT

and i just hum to myself,
don't be afraid of your father. he is just merely a boy without a friend.
and i just hum to myself,
yeah, and i wish he'd share his toys with me someday.

when she wants to live her life.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 01:17:21 GMT

i wish i didn't want to cry when i saw happy people.

ruinous, i stood empty and alone, my skin wet from the rain. the pearls dangled from my neck as i silently wished he'd left me there for good. they leave me in bunches, one by one, until the rain calls them away from me. they follow with their only bodies.
it's almost been a year now. but when did time matter?

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 23:24:11 GMT

i don't really have many thoughts lately. none very interesting, colorful or abstract. so this will be kind of pointless.
he is a little more beautiful then i hoped, and well. i am already getting dissapointed. i shouldn't give up so easy, but things are just too complicated to spend time on lately.
mom says i need to cut my hair. where does the time go?
the autumn is beautiful. i love that word, autumn.

seeing is not believing. i swear.

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 13:09:49 GMT

so he finally comes to speak to me. two months and i was almost finished counting. it makes me sick, that i sit here puking carbon dioxide from my lungs while he sends me those fake patent smiles that AOL made for times like this. he describes how close he will be to me, and that i should give him a call. and in that moment i promise myself i wouldn't call, because calling would only make me need him more. and i can't do it anymore.
so before he leaves, he calls me a name that he always used to call me, and it sends chills down my spine from all those other times he's said it.
yeah, i guess he didn't forget everything.
and before he leaves, i pray that i dont get a simple worn out goodbye.
and he says, "you made my night" and he leaves before he can get a response, which i think he is scared of getting.
i write a letter saying, "if anyone's night was made, it was mine."
and i hate myself while i write.
i call his phone,
and i hate myself when i dial.
dissconnected.
seeing you would have to mean that i would have to start counting all over again,
i'm running out of fingers and toes.

a town i know.

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 01:52:40 GMT

old photo.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 01:40:58 GMT

i don't need your five dollar words.
the bottem line is we barely started and we're already running in circles.
i hate not knowing the answers.

untitled two.

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 01:24:55 GMT

it might feel better if you stay.

untitled.

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 02:56:55 GMT

i've always wondered.
what it will be like when you realize
you are dreaming of a stranger.

you are simple.
its unfair.

erase this, please.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 01:15:21 GMT

he decided to sign all the documents with his last name that i keep forgetting and he forgets he signed. the moment was so close i could feel it weighing in my lungs with each breath. i knew there was an explanation for the missed phone calls and the quick goodbyes on the other line. i call and make a desperate plee for a get away and all i can hear as i speak is his breathing from the other line. i get a letter saying that we shouldn't see eachother. the letter was dated an hour before i made the call. so he signed his name on those papers, making promises and binding himself to my heart. never did i think that that night we spent in each others arms nothing but lies leaked from his lips. i'm erasing his name from this dotted line with the biggest eraser i can find, yet it won't seem to fade away. nothing ever fades away.

fuck.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 01:13:19 GMT

take my fucking breath away.

i'll be seeing you.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 01:12:05 GMT

i was among the city lights while he was among the country music and smell of fresh grass. when church gets out he drinks out of an empty bottle and laughs with the five famous boys of the town. the boys jump in their trucks and ride off into the fields. being free and alive. i'm in the city where the red lights mean go. i'm twirling around in the middle of a parking lot. crying in a movie theater and singing on a sidewalk. the night is young but we are younger. he's lying in the back of a truck, hanging on the side with the boys. getting drunk and not having a care in the world. i'm laughing until my stomach hurts and singing until my throat is scratchy. he's looking into the fields and i'm staring at the empty streets. and all we see is eachother sharing the same night. dancing to the same song. that same old song that we love. i told someone "i hate time. it takes away everything." but it can bring everything as well. and as i'm walking past these burning lights and street lamps, i see you standing next to every one, asking me "when ya gonna start growin up, city girl. ya gatta be free." i am living free, love, just in my heart. and in my heart, you live. in every breath i take the blood surges through you, and it keeps you alive. it keeps me alive with you there. just turn that song on one more time, please? i want to dance in your arms again.

i love telephone wires.

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 21:31:01 GMT

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 21:30:02 GMT

i can be myself tonight.

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 21:27:29 GMT

summer?

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 21:23:58 GMT

beyond the glass windows the crickets churp. the new air is chilled. the seasons are beggining to change and i am glad this humid life is finally leaving. i stare at the leaves as if theyll change before my eyes. there is a boy who expects more then i promised. there is a boy who will never expect anything. there is a boy who expects to love when he feels it is convenient. this is not my scene. there is a boy from a torn out year book page, waiting. all i want is for faith that you will come back again. youve left me with an empty summer, empty kisses and empty touches. the grass doesnt even feel right on my back anymore. this bathroom floor is scattered with your memories that i've spilled and dropped. i can't wash them away.